Dating culture around the world: the GO TO and NO GO for newcomers
Who pays, when to meet, what to bring and what never to say. Short, practical dos and don'ts from 10 countries, taken from our dating culture guides.
By Jev, founder of YesTonite · · 4 min read
Dating in a new country is exciting, and a little confusing. A gesture that feels sweet at home can seem too much somewhere else, and a habit you never think about can come across as rude. For every country in our international dating guide, we wrote a dating culture page with a GO TO list and a NO GO list for newcomers.
Here are a few points from ten of them. They're generalisations, of course: people are individuals, and big cities often have their own rhythm. But knowing the common habits makes a first date a lot more relaxed.
Germany
- GO TO: be on time, and suggest a concrete day, time and place when you ask someone out.
- NO GO: don't over-flatter or use cheesy lines, and don't assume everyone wants to speak English; ask first.
More in the Germany dating culture guide.
France
- GO TO: always start with "bonjour" or "bonsoir", with your date and with staff. Bring curiosity and opinions; good conversation is part of the charm.
- NO GO: don't bring flowers or a big gift to a first date, and don't ask about salary or money.
More in the France dating culture guide.
Spain
- GO TO: adapt to the late schedule: meet for drinks around 20:30 or 21:00 and keep the night open. Share plates of tapas.
- NO GO: don't suggest dinner at 19:00, it will feel like a late lunch. And don't take a warm greeting or a friendly touch as a sign of romantic interest.
More in the Spain dating culture guide.
Italy
- GO TO: suggest an aperitivo, a drink with snacks in the early evening, and arrive well dressed.
- NO GO: don't show up straight from the gym, and don't expect to meet the family early; that comes once things are serious.
More in the Italy dating culture guide.
United Kingdom
- GO TO: use humour and keep the tone light, and have a back-up plan for rain, like a museum or a cosy pub.
- NO GO: don't be rude to staff; it's noticed and counts against you. And in London, don't stand on the left of Tube escalators.
More in the United Kingdom dating culture guide.
United States
- GO TO: suggest a specific plan rather than "let's hang out sometime", and bring a photo ID, even if you're clearly over 21.
- NO GO: don't skip the tip; servers rely on it. And don't assume you're exclusive just because you've been on a few dates.
More in the United States dating culture guide.
Japan
- GO TO: keep the first date simple, like coffee, lunch or one drink near a station, and check the last train home before the evening starts.
- NO GO: don't leave a tip, it can cause confusion, and don't expect an instant yes or no; give people time to answer.
More in the Japan dating culture guide.
Mexico
- GO TO: offer to pay or split, and accept graciously if your date insists on inviting. Make sure your date gets home safely, for example by waiting until their ride arrives.
- NO GO: don't push after a soft refusal; an indirect answer is often a polite no. And don't compare Mexico negatively with your home country.
More in the Mexico dating culture guide.
Poland
- GO TO: if you bring flowers, bring an odd number, and learn a few words like "dzień dobry" and "dziękuję".
- NO GO: don't give an even number of flowers or yellow chrysanthemums; both are linked to funerals. And don't drink in streets and parks outside licensed areas.
More in the Poland dating culture guide.
Netherlands
- GO TO: suggest a day, time and place a few days ahead, and say clearly what you're looking for and what you think.
- NO GO: don't expect someone to be free tonight just because you are, and don't take directness personally; a clear no is not an insult.
More in the Netherlands dating culture guide.
What almost every country agrees on
Put the ten lists side by side and a few rules show up again and again:
- Don't ghost. Nine of the ten lists call disappearing after several dates a NO GO, and the Mexico list warns against cancelling at the last minute without a message. A short, honest message is expected.
- Offer to split. Almost every guide says the same thing: offer to split or to pay next time, and don't argue if your date sees it differently.
- Wait for clear signals. Almost every list warns against pushing for physical contact early. Consent should be clear and mutual.
- Don't get very drunk on a first date. Germany, France, Spain, the United States and Japan all list it as a NO GO, and several other lists warn against pressuring your date to drink.
- Ask before switching to English. Several guides mention it. Even a few words of the local language show respect.
The differences are mostly about timing and gestures: when to meet, whether flowers are sweet or too much, how direct to be. Those are exactly the details that make a newcomer look thoughtful, or lost.
Before your next first date abroad
Each culture page in the guide also covers how dating works locally, a few safety tips and the local emergency number. And each city has a list of date spots, so once you know the habits, you also know where to go.
YesTonite is a free app that shows who nearby is going out tonight, wherever you are, so you can say hi and meet the same evening.