Moving abroad: how to meet new people in a new city

The first weeks in a new city are exciting. Then, often around week three, it gets quiet. Work or study fills the days, but the evenings are empty, and the people you've met so far are colleagues, a landlord and the person at the bakery. That's normal. Building a social life from zero takes a little strategy, and some cities make it easier than others.

Some cities are easier than others

In our international dating guide, every city gets a "meeting in real life" score from 1 to 10. It's mostly based on how easy newcomers say it is to settle in and make friends (from the InterNations Expat Insider survey), plus how late the city stays out. Like all our scores, it's YesTonite's own estimate from public data. Here's how five popular cities for a move compare:

• Mexico City: 8.7
• Lisbon: 8.2
• Bangkok: 8.1
• London: 4.2
• Berlin: 3.9

A low score doesn't mean you won't make friends in Berlin or London. It means people there tend to stick with the circles they already have, so waiting to be invited rarely works. You'll need to show up to the right places, and keep showing up.

Five habits that work in any city

• Pick something with a structure. A class, a language exchange, a run club or a game night gives everyone a reason to talk. That's far easier than starting a conversation at a crowded bar.
• Go back to the same thing every week. The first visit you're a stranger. By the third, people recognise you and introductions happen on their own. This is the single most useful tip in all of our city guides.
• Choose activities that rotate people. Partner dance classes, cooking classes and board game tables mix the group for you, so you meet ten people in one evening without any awkward approach.
• Say yes early. In the first months, accept almost every invitation. A boring evening costs you one night; a good one can give you a friend group.
• Learn a few words of the local language. Even in cities where many people speak English, a greeting and a thank you go a long way.

Berlin: weekly fixtures beat random nights out

Berlin scores 3.9 for meeting in real life, but 10 for late nights, and 8.7 for English spoken. So the nightlife is there; the trick is to find a regular spot. Our Berlin guide suggests a weekly rhythm: Street Food Thursday at Markthalle Neun, where everyone shares long tables; the open game night every Tuesday from 18:00 at Boardroom, a board game café in Schöneberg; and the free Saturday 10:00 run through Tiergarten with Founders Running Club, at a pace where you can still chat, followed by coffee. For dancing, Clärchens Ballhaus runs evenings with a short lesson first, so beginners can join.

London: structure first, and go on a weeknight

London scores 4.2, which surprises many newcomers in a city of millions. The tip from our London guide is to go Tuesday to Thursday, when people are more open to a chat than on a packed Saturday. Good options: the London Language Exchange on Tuesday evenings at Penderel's Oak in Holborn, where people wear a label with the languages they speak and want to practise; the free Hackney Marshes parkrun every Saturday at 9am, often followed by coffee; and Ceroc South Kensington on Fridays, with a beginners' class at 19:45 and no partner needed.

Lisbon: late evenings and a run club

Lisbon scores 8.2, and newcomers often find it easy to settle in. Evenings start late there: dinner is rarely before 20:00 and bars fill up after 23:00. Our Lisbon guide recommends Rookie Run Club, which meets on Wednesday evenings at Cais do Sodré station and on Saturday mornings at Praça do Comércio, with beginners welcome. Time Out Market Lisboa has long shared tables, and at Tasca do Chico in Bairro Alto, guests may stand up and sing fado, so you quickly end up talking with your neighbours between songs.

Mexico City: language exchanges and dance halls

Mexico City has the highest score of the five, 8.7, and also a 9.1 for openness to dating. English is less common (2.4), which is exactly why language exchanges work so well. The Mexico City guide lists FLOW Language Exchange + Party in Roma Norte on Thursday evenings from 18:30, followed by a DJ party, and Salón Los Ángeles, a dance hall open since 1937 where asking someone to dance is completely normal. On Sundays from 8:00 to 14:00, Paseo de la Reforma closes to cars for the Muévete en Bici ride. One practical point: night safety scores 2.4, so use a ride app or an official sitio taxi to get home at night.

Bangkok: early runs and Tuesday salsa

Bangkok scores 8.1, but English spoken is only 1.1, so a few words of Thai help a lot. Our Bangkok guide has two easy Tuesdays: Bangkok Runners meets at Benjakitti Park at 6:30 for an easy 5 km before the heat, and Barrio Latino at REVO Bangkok runs a free Latin night with an all-levels salsa class at 19:00. If you'd rather cook, Baipai Thai Cooking School runs small-group classes where you eat with a table of new people. Stay close to the BTS and MRT: a short taxi ride can take an hour at rush hour.

From new friends to dates

Friends come first, but they also open doors. A wider circle means more parties, more birthdays and more chances to meet someone you like. When you feel ready for a date, every city in the guide also has a list of date spots, and each country has a page on its dating culture, with a GO TO and a NO GO list so you don't trip over local habits.

Give it time. Most people need a few months before a new city feels like home. Pick two or three weekly fixtures, keep going, and the evenings fill up faster than you'd expect.

YesTonite is a free app that shows who nearby is going out tonight, so a quiet evening in a new city can turn into a plan.